JOSH HUTCHINS.COM

     THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!! I went into battle today. I was but one man... armed with a garden hose, a T-shirt, and a half-empty can of hornet spray. My foe; nearly thirty... thousand angry yellow-jackets. They were armed with, of course, their stingers. And they were blood-thirsty war-mongering crack-smoking and coldly calculating my demise. Unfortunately for them, I pulled off a brilliant battle tactic. I like to call it Israel 1967. I drew first blood. I snuck under their nest (nearly the size of a soccer ball) and blew my entire load of hornet spray right between the proverbial legs of their nest. Then, my next brilliant bit of tactics, I like to call France 1205-Present... I ran. Usain Bolt could only have dreamed of the speed with which I could move. Unfortunately, the hornets immediately organized a counter-attack. I was running as fast as I could, backwards, when they nearly overtook me. In a fit of desparation, I peeled my shirt off my back like removing a condom during a poorly-timed bit of whoopie. It proved fatal to another couple of them. Then I ran across the cul-de-sac, all the way through three yards back to my own, and swooped up the end of the garden hose and let 'em have it. The water only made them more angry. So I dropped it like a hand full of scorpions. I circled back to the nest where about twenty yellow-jackets were writhing in agony. I stomped them all... it was only polite to put them out of their misery, and mine. My neighbor watched the whole thing from his living room window. He told me he was in tears laughing. I'm glad someone enjoyed it.